The Night Before Christmas in 2019

‘Twas the time before Christmas, and hence almost thro’ 2019
Not only a year-end occurring, now even a decade has been;
Stockings have been worn by males and females, but don’t stare,
Hopes of inclusion and flames of division were seen here and there;
Children rallied against climate change, quilts not on their beds,
While Time’s Person of the Year brings with her a sense of dread
And Frosty the Snowman, once in a magical land where ice did nap,
Had just wished it no warmer, lest he melt leaving only his cap–
When out on the streets there arose still more clatter,
Protests in Hong Kong, democracy and China the matter.
Away from America Huawei phones were sent in a flash,
China tore things up, threw foreign PCs and software in the trash.
Trade war talks stalled at Phase 1, plus mention of quid pro quo,
Disney said Marvel’s at Phase 4 and reached its endgame you know;
When, The Economist in wonderment did appear,
To proclaim that 2019 was in fact a very vegan year,
So politically charged, a turkey was pardoned quick,
Around the Whitehouse another hoped for a similar trick.
Then more rapid accusations about the Ukraine came,
Fancy a politician using policy for their own political gain:
Now ghosts of authors Lovecraft, Poe, and Dahl for pens did reach,
Intent on writing a Dickensian tale, Donald and the Giant Impeach;
To the top of her lungs! Hillary Clinton said listen to this y’all!
Now Bill dashed for that cigar! Hidden away! Hidden away from all!
As once more those in North Korea thought about rockets that fly,
The Supreme Leader again unloved, no heart-shaped locket for that guy;
So in this time of need came not one but two,
The first with a message, Pope Francis knew what to do:
“Consumerism is a virus that corrodes faith,” he said all aloof
The work of a pitchfork-ed fellow prancing on each cloven hoof.
As xmas is reference to Christmas divorced from Christ it has been found,
Second the pagan deity of Santa, St. Nicholas, patron saint of the middle ground:
Now dressed in faux fur, lest the vegans hang him up by his foot,
Bushfires in Australia had left him tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of goods was still slung across his back,
Candy canes, soda, a toy of baby Yoda, all in his pack;
A message from WADA banning Russia from the Olympics! Angry: yes very,
Then the gift of an interview so awkward, no vulgar mention of any cherry;
Because Prince Andrew’s mea culpa ended without applause or bow,
And he’s a Royal said to be retiring from public life for now;
“We are islands, not an isthmus,” said some in the UK through clenched teeth,
And asked Santa for a present: resolve Brexit by Christmas if that’s within reach.
Broadly time for releases of washed up carolling albums, and reruns on the telly
That shook with laughter, over cultural differences questioning if it’s jam or jelly:
Chubby and plump or sexy tweens played games of F, M, or G amongst themselves,
Ensuring that Frankincense, Myrrh, or Gold was on at least some shops’ shelves;
With a wink of the eye and too much twisting of the head
A thrashing by Krampus is nothing but exercising misread.
Speak not, but end a Star Wars trilogy, cinemas set to their work,
Good else filled with mocking; angry fans, calling the director a jerk,
And the controversy of Jojo Rabbit takes one on the reddened nose
And as a nod to Nazi parodies, let’s see how Adolf the Reindeer goes.
Sprung, spring, or sprang to a sleigh, like spam is to ham is to gristle,
And fly forth from this place like released from beneath toe-of-mistle:
But let it be exclaimed, ere another decade slips from sight–
Merry Christmas to all, and to all of 2019 good night.