The Night Before Christmas in 2022

‘Twas the time before Christmas, in the uncertain year of 2022
Not a creature went without stirring, not even a new normal too;
The stock of Twitter, Elon did acquire with care,
In hopes that billions paid had a value still there;
Boxes of classified documents nestled snugly under beds,
While visions of 2024 ran sweetly plumb through some heads
And political chiefs, and of the energy expenses they tried to cap,
Unsettling gas price rises were making for a cold winter’s nap–
When out of the Kremlin, naughty little Vlad had made such a clatter,
Wanting to play with the nice kids’ former Soviet blocs was the matter.
A way before, farewell Queen and welcome King, not in a flash,
Torn open, Harry’s new book, if title-less, he might need the cash.
To the moon no more, the fallen stars of crypto,
Fraud fried the fad lacklustre, watch out below;
When, with outlays rising, in wondrous assembly a strike did appear,
Incomes did not enough pay, and working eight days a week made clear,
On making ends meet as app-summoned deliverers and drivers, by auto or stick,
Knew not in that moment with so many, so close, were masks needed quick?
More rapidly from many gig jobs the Christmas Elves they came,
And they whistled, and shouted, and call’d out their shame:
Now! Lapland rebranded with dancers, prancers, and vixen,
On! Drink coffee! Cupid, play! Toys broken, so fix them;
To the top one rose bearing the torch! To the top to speak for all!
Now dashed away as anti-capitalist xmas elves decked many a hall!
As dry negotiators, leafed through contracts, like a hurricane does fly,
When met with such an obstacle, Santa said he might know a guy;
So beyond the house-top, probably by phone, a message coursed through,
“Hey Jesus, could you help with Christmas?”—“Yes, this I was born to do.”
And then in a twinkling, many heard something needing no proof
That regardless of money, giving from the heart is a universal truth.
As many a Grinch drew in their head, feeling things turning around,
And if they didn’t, a thrashing from Krampus with willow was bound:
Those dress’d dishevelled, full goblin mode from head to foot,
And clothes tarnished brown may not be with ashes or soot;
A bundle of issues still clung like a monkey to back,
And the year’s almost over, keep peddling the track:
Wise eyes – how they twinkled! Six dimples: how merry,
Gold cheekily keep, the two resins for regifting ready;
Frankincense drolly cover it up with a bow,
And myrrh hide it amongst the mistletoe;
Stumped all some want for, is their two front teeth,
Forget 12 days, realistically one is more within reach.
Broad faced, Tiny Tim asked for a little goose for his belly
Scrooge threw on him cold water, but no crystals for jelly:
Inflation was chubby and plump, a right jolly affront to wealth,
And so laugh’d central bankers in spite of themselves;
A wink from an eye of newt, witchdoctors, shrunken head…
The cost of living so high, it was feared even by the undead.
Speak not a Halloween word, straight blue cinemas went berserk,
And having wait’d some 13 years; the Avatar sequel better work,
And laying things aside that not everyone knows
And despite cultural nods, this is far from prose.
Sprung to slay, another ‘demic of pan may bristle,
And yet cured like ham, came down the dismissal:
But though it’s been a mess Santa did exclaim, ere alright–
Merry Christmas to all, and to all of 2022 good night!