Stars Wars, the space opera film saga which has spilled over into pop culture phenomena, again both strikes back and returns with another May the 4th.
After the prequel trilogy, wiping the droids’ memories seemed like the best course of action. If only the rest of the world could’ve done the same.
Now details of the sequel trilogy are doing not trying, and are breaking through with The Force Awakens. If only that cross-guard on the lightsaber made more sense.
Probably none of the following is canon, but in this way, a trilogy of trilogies, or nine reasons if preferred, are offered up as to why Star Wars should be celebrated on May 4th 2015:
- Attack of the Clones gave the world dialogue wooden enough to make even Pinocchio seem like a real boy. Now that Disney owns Lucasfilm, the circle is now complete.
- George Lucas showed that flannelette shirts are also worn by directors. Not just lumberjacks and wife beaters.
- Even though the original Star Wars trilogy saw its movies re-re-released with extra-super-double-limited editions and questionably revised with bad CG, to date at least the blasters haven’t been replaced with walkie-talkies. Replacing the lightsabers with walkie-talkies was discussed, with the aerials extending for duels. A Jedi mind trick convinced otherwise.
- By James Earl Jones recording voice messages for people’s phones, he was able to put his kids and grandkids through college.
- If there are always two Sith Lords, does the Dark Side have a really great HR team and a very long line of applicants always ready and waiting: “Congratulations applicant number 8,205,917 a position has recently opened and you were successful. You’ve been promoted to Deputy Sith Lord. From now on, you’ll be known as Darth Expendable.”
- Isaac Newton probably wishes he’d invented the phrase: “I sense a disturbance in the Force.”
- Tusken Raiders can still be referred to as “Sand People” without offending anyone. For now. An online petition probably isn’t far off though…
- Flying over the sands of Tatooine, showing both Jabba the Hutt and Princess Leia together allowed for all body shapes and sizes to be beach body ready.
- Through saving Luke Skywalker’s life by putting him inside of a tauntaun on Hoth, then and there, Han Solo practically invented the Snuggie.
Nine reasons, there are there. Each plausible enough to exist in a galaxy far, far away…
“May the Fourth be with you!”
Wait, not that Star Wars would ever have any extended or deleted scenes; because what gets left in, is as ironclad and impenetrable as the Death Star itself, but there’s another reason lurking in the button below. Don’t let the green glow and lack of sound effects fool you, inside it may be red as the Dark Side itself. Or blue, whichever way that lightsaber colour may align.
Feature Image Credit: Obsidian 7