The Cheese Wheel

For a time all has been quiet in the cheese cave. Watching things in the world of cheese slowly mature. Quietly awaiting a celebrity of such undeniable cheesiness, that there’s no choice but to emerge and boldly ask: If they were a type of cheese, what would they be? At long last, such a celebrity has finally proven themselves to have exceptionally cheese-worthy status: Donald J. Trump Looking down on New York from Trump Tower, Donald Trump prepares to save America from aliens, the mandarins, and anything else lacking in greatness. He’s like Tony Stark: Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. But with better hair. And a trump card in showmanship. What kind of an ace in the hole he is for the GOP, will have to wait until that hand is played. Some polls seem to favour him; but then some pols did also initially favour Hitler. Donald Trump. The Donald. ...

The following has been fictionalised to protect the innocent. Because they could be watching. It began simply enough, with a trip to the local supermarket. “I’d like to buy some cheese.” “Aisle eight,” replied the employee with characteristic indifference. It was probably the umpteenth time they’d been asked and answered it. “Thanks.” Aisle eight, replete with refrigerated sections of cheese, but not much selection of cheese. “Excuse me, I’d like to buy some cheese…” The shop assistant barely looked up, and motioned to the nearby packets of cheese. “I’m looking for cheese that’s a bit more, interesting.” As though a tyre that had been punctured, the assistant sighed and slowly began to deflate. “Have you tried the deli.” Statement, not a question. Brilliant. Now at the deli, complete with numbered ticket sorted. “I’d like to buy some cheese.” “Sure, what type?” “I’m after a cheese I can roll down a ...

The Cheese Wheel returns! In its time away, it has matured. Hardened. And now has even more bite. Or it has gone crumbly, is a bit on the nose, and probably should simply be thrown away… Yet as any good barrel searching resident of Tamriel will tell you, in the early stages of the game, survival is the key. Launching back on the ominous date of 11.11.11, The Elder Scrolls V Skyrim still to this day has an active community of modders. Plus Bethesda recently lifted the cap on the size limits of mods. Time to break out the skooma in celebration, or maybe something a little less addictive. Now, once you’ve survived the initial game stuff, absorbed the souls of a few dragons, and not taken an arrow to the knee, you can remain an adventurer and start to do more interesting things. Things like acting out a Gloucestershire ...

Gloucestershire, England, a place that truly understands The Cheese Wheel.  And also cheese!  Not only do the good folks understand cheese, but they are willing to roll a wheel of it down Cooper’s Hill and chase after it. Sure it may be an unofficial event, but that didn’t stop around 3,000 people turning up for it this year. Gloucestershire Cheese Rolling dates back to the 1800s.  More official times you see, at least up until 2010.  Then, fearing for people’s health and safety the event was officially cancelled.  As if those things should get in the way of chasing a wheel of cheese down a hill so steep that most can’t even normally stand on its side without falling over.  It’s just a plain fun idea. Too much fun in fact. Police warned local cheese-maker Diana Smart against supplying her Double Gloucester Cheeses.  She has made the 3kg wheel of ...

With the approach of May the 4th almost being with us, both the Rebel Alliance and the Empire are gearing up.  Meanwhile George Lucas is sitting about as pretty Jabba the Hutt after the US$4 billion sale of Lucasfilm and the Star Wars franchise to Disney.  (That Mouse has got some money!)  It was also announced that JJ Abrams will be directing (at least) the first movie in the new sequel trilogy.  The new trilogy movies will roll out in 2015, 2017, and 2019; with another two spinoff movies filling in the yearly gaps between Star Wars: Episode VII, VIII and IX. With not such a long time to go for this much new Star Wars, and many of the original cast rumoured to be returning how could things go wrong? Three words may sum it up:  Jar Jar Binks. And with JJ Abrams now directing both the new Star ...

Psy, he’s the South Korean rapper (maybe), or at least the K-pop sensation (for now), who shot to international fame in 2012 with his song Gangnam Style.  The film clip to which smashed all sorts of records and to date has garnered over 1.5 billion views on YouTube.  Not too shabby.  Even the respective leaders of the Beliebers (which apparently would now also have included Anne Frank) and the little monsters have yet to make such an achievement. How then do you follow up such a hit? You tweak it a bit.  Release more of the same.  Then hope lightning strikes twice. Which brings us to the new song, Gentleman.  You can watch it here, if you haven’t seen it already.  And it’s not going to also reach 1.5 billion views unless you pitch in! The film clip to the song Gentleman displays what Psy has described as the “arrogant dance”.  This is ...

Figuring it was probably best to give Kim Kardashian a break for awhile, because she has got bigger problems at the moment – like looking fashionable in maternity wear – it’s time to turn to one of her other sisters.  This admittedly does have a Cinderella-like quality to it.  Because compared to Kim, the others don’t seem to quite stack up the same. This time around, it’s Khloe Kardashian who has been placed on The Cheese Wheel. Why exactly? Well… There’s simply the fact that Khloe Kardashian is a Kardashian.  Kind of a no-brainer that one!  There was some consideration about putting the entire Kardashian family on here this time around, but it’s a cheese wheel and not a cheese platter. Yes, Khloe is known by many other references.  Here, keeping things a bit polite, she can just be referred to as the “husky Kardashian”. Then, there are the allegations of missing ...

Chuck Norris has recently been seen without a beard. Although Chuck Norris Facts knows he hasn't always had a beard, he now faces his toughest challenge yet...