Tag Archives: Comedy

Deadpool Delivers Australia Day Message

In an attempt at the fourth wall breaking characteristic of the Deadpool character, actor Ryan Reynolds has delivered a special Australia Day message to promote the release of the forthcoming Deadpool movie. “Seriously, I’d fit right in with your proud nation with its shady criminal past, and it’s predilection for black-out drinking and unrelenting condescension towards New Zealand,” says Deadpool. However, Deadpool has one problem, and that’s Australia giving the world X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009). Because it’s Deadpool, be warned, there is profanity in the video below: Whether the Deadpool (2016) movie actually delivers, fans will find out when the film premieres 11 February. Who knows, it could be a second career low for the antihero… While it may be intended as a reboot, there has already been the equivalent of Barakapool minus the mouth, and 20th Century Fox Films also gave the world the Fantastic Four (2015) film, a ...

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Kanye West to Run for President in 2020

At the 2015 VMAs, Kanye West has announced he’ll be running for President of the United States in 2020. Fortunately Kanye West managed to keep his ego in check, and only announced that he decided to run for President in 2020 in his VMA speech. The former, more arrogant, Kanye simply would’ve commanded that he will be President in 2020. Likely he used his rant and the date to spruik his superior vision. Foresight that is. Kanye West doesn’t look back. With his time in the White House almost up, maybe Obama will go on to launch a similarly successful rap and hip hop music career? It’ll be like looking in the mirror, and all part of the Kanye logic. Some may be wondering what political party Kanye will side with: Democrats or Republican? Clearly they have it all wrong. Kanye West sides with no party. He is the party. ...

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Can Donald Trump The Cheese Wheel?

For a time all has been quiet in the cheese cave. Watching things in the world of cheese slowly mature. Quietly awaiting a celebrity of such undeniable cheesiness, that there’s no choice but to emerge and boldly ask: If they were a type of cheese, what would they be? At long last, such a celebrity has finally proven themselves to have exceptionally cheese-worthy status: Donald J. Trump Looking down on New York from Trump Tower, Donald Trump prepares to save America from aliens, the mandarins, and anything else lacking in greatness. He’s like Tony Stark: Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. But with better hair. And a trump card in showmanship. What kind of an ace in the hole he is for the GOP, will have to wait until that hand is played. Some polls seem to favour him; but then some pols did also initially favour Hitler. Donald Trump. The Donald. ...

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The Six Most Annoying Types of People at Concerts

Concerts and live music can be fantastic. The sense of not just listening to the music, but being there. Experiencing it. Feeling the music. Although the crowds and characters will vary with the style of music and concerts, there are bound to be the certain few which annoy. There could be more, but here are the six most annoying types of people at concerts: The Taller It’s not really this person’s fault. They were born that way. Quite simply, they’re tall. They’re also probably a male. And more to the point, not only are they tall – more specifically – they are taller than you. The Taller, somehow, also almost always manages to stand directly right in front of you. Like gravity, they’re almost always there, eclipsing the show. And somehow all you can do is futilely attempt to circle around them. The stage and band are the dark side ...

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10 Reasons Why Taylor Swift Got Royalties Out Of Apple

Like any good peddler of a potentially addictive substance, Apple wants people hooked on the products it’s pushing. And the number one rule of hustling is to create your own demand. In Apple’s case, it’s giving people three months of free samples, make that a three month free trial of the Apple Music streaming service. Normally this would cost $9.99 per month, but: “Come on. Try it. It’s free. Try it. Just once…” Problem was, since it’s giving this away, it didn’t want to pay the artists or record labels for streaming their music either. Naturally a hustler can’t annoy its own supplier. Enter Taylor Swift’s blog entry To Apple, Love Taylor and problem solved. Apple will now be forking out the cash to the owners of the music during the free trial period. Taylor Swift, is there anything she can’t do? Before such a question warrants a reply, here’s ...

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6 Reasons Why the World Needs Hero Boyfriends

Meet Joe Average. He has been there since the dawn of time. Somewhere in the middle. The everyman. Like it not, about half the males are actually worse than Joe Average. And about half are better. Poor Joe Average, no-one really notices him. In the Middle Ages, while he was sweeping the floor, the ladies were talking of heroes. Like Lancelot. Hoping that a knight in shining armour would sweep them off their feet. Present day, not much has changed. Sure, there’s an app for almost everything. Promising the world. Including those from not-so-secret societies of pickup artists and players, all promising Joe Average that if he just rolls the dice and gets his game on, he too will be able to lance. A lot. So, somehow, Joe Average has got a girlfriend. Whether through luck, pity, or something else. The good news is, on average, something has to work. ...

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Alcohol, Pizza and Pie – No Change but Rye

Islington, London, a man was almost charged ₤223,000 for a six-pack of craft beer. What exactly was this beer crafted from, may be a reasonable question. Rumours swell that it was brewed in the fires of Mount Doom itself. Using yeast secretly collected from the very baguette which stopped the Large Hadron Collider. With malts and hops of such pedigree that saffron is thrown on the ground before them as they are loaded on an unsinkable Bismarck guarded by tactical and nuclear penguins. All to form the ultimate craft beer. Or, the man was simply overcharged by accident. The decimal point had been moved a few places. Possibly because the period was being taxed. Fortunately or otherwise, he didn’t actually have the ₤223,000 in his bank account to fund the declined purchase. “I wasn’t really paying attention but I glanced down and saw the first two numbers. “They looked fine ...

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Gloucestershire 2015: The Cheese Wheel Keeps Rolling

The following has been fictionalised to protect the innocent. Because they could be watching. It began simply enough, with a trip to the local supermarket. “I’d like to buy some cheese.” “Aisle eight,” replied the employee with characteristic indifference. It was probably the umpteenth time they’d been asked and answered it. “Thanks.” Aisle eight, replete with refrigerated sections of cheese, but not much selection of cheese. “Excuse me, I’d like to buy some cheese…” The shop assistant barely looked up, and motioned to the nearby packets of cheese. “I’m looking for cheese that’s a bit more, interesting.” As though a tyre that had been punctured, the assistant sighed and slowly began to deflate. “Have you tried the deli.” Statement, not a question. Brilliant. Now at the deli, complete with numbered ticket sorted. “I’d like to buy some cheese.” “Sure, what type?” “I’m after a cheese I can roll down a ...

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Starship Enterprise Building: Chinese Gaming Company Makes It So

The time? Six years of construction. The cost? Some US$160 million spent in the process, including licensing the rights from CBS to build it so. The result? Completed in 2014, finally the headquarters of Chinese online gaming and mobile internet company NetDragon Websoft were built. That the headquarters are a replica of the starship USS Enterprise from Star Trek? It’s beyond avant-garde, and it boldly goes where no building has gone before. The reason? Probably so the chairman, Liu Dejian, can say stuff at work like: “Make it so.” And: “I’ll be in my ready room.” And he has to be taken seriously. Where the debate goes, be it Sovereign or Galaxy, or something else taxing to the Constitution, the Class is still out. Stick with an Excelsior refit if for no other reason than “Excelsior” is such a good word to say. Since no known tricorder scans of the ...

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9 Reasons Why May the 4th be with You in 2015

Stars Wars, the space opera film saga which has spilled over into pop culture phenomena, again both strikes back and returns with another May the 4th. After the prequel trilogy, wiping the droids’ memories seemed like the best course of action. If only the rest of the world could’ve done the same. Now details of the sequel trilogy are doing not trying, and are breaking through with The Force Awakens. If only that cross-guard on the lightsaber made more sense. Probably none of the following is canon, but in this way, a trilogy of trilogies, or nine reasons if preferred, are offered up as to why Star Wars should be celebrated on May 4th 2015: Attack of the Clones gave the world dialogue wooden enough to make even Pinocchio seem like a real boy. Now that Disney owns Lucasfilm, the circle is now complete. George Lucas showed that flannelette shirts ...

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